Fortune Cookie Knowledge Without the M.S.G.

Finders keepers

To protect your sanity; when you look for something and don’t find it in the first place you look. Once you find and use it, return it to the place you thought first to look for it. Instinct is stronger than memory.

Full speed ahead

When you’re not counting how many steps you’ll have to take back, you’re more willing to continue taking steps forward.

Less is more

If life gets harder because you lose the ones you love then love the ones you have harder.

Keep the chump change

Stress is like pocket change, if you don’t keep a little with you, you’ll end up with more than you can handle looking for somewhere to dump it off.

Superstition isn’t so super
Don’t make more of the situation than there is. If something happens to you it’s not because of some kid you were mean to in the eighth grade. Things just happen.

There are no A.T.M.’s in the afterlife

There’s really no point working so hard to save your money, when death comes for you your money won’t return the favor.

Silence is golden

Real friends aren’t the ones who make you feel like you can say anything. There the one’s who make you feel like you don’t have to say anything at all.

Get in the game

This is life… this moment… this place… with these people. If that’s all it ever is, it’s beautiful nonetheless. Don’t be so eager to trade today for a better tomorrow; one day you’ll get cheated on the deal.

Get the f*ck out

Your home is where you end your day, not where you spend your day. Nothing happens without you. If you don’t leave your house, life didn’t exist that day.

Rally the troops

In life the people who really matter are the ones who are willing to stick around while you discover the ones that don’t.

Double take

The most interesting people aren’t the one’s you meet every few days. They’re the few that make you feel like you meet them everyday.

Make a rewind button and press it

If your life has caused for you to forget what makes you happy then recreate the time in your life when you were the happiest.

Paint with bright colors

A negative outlook will always make the skies look dark. Take the grey, black and dark brown of your visual palate and toss on some bright blues and yellows.

Speak your mind

There are no offensive comments, just easily offended people.

Willing deafness

Don’t listen to the negative comments of others. Everyone’s considered a failure… Until they succeed.

Slow down

The more of a rush you put yourself in, the more you’ll hold yourself back with careless and avoidable mistakes.

Head out to the toy store

You don’t stop playing because you grow old; you grow old because you stop playing.

Keep your word

Don’t promise or swear, because if you feel compelled to do either you probably aren’t very committed. Just do what you say you’re going to do.

Find an inside man

Make sure you always at least have one friend that knows how to get into locked cars and locked doors. You’ll call them pretty often; when they’re not in jail, of course.

Keep the 3 words pure

Don’t let something as wonderful as “I love you” become synonymous with “Hello,” “goodbye” and “I gotta go.” Say, “I love you” when you mean it.

Laugh now, cry never

Nearly everything you stress about now will make you laugh later…why wait so long?

Reflective not defective

Get away from the mirror. There is no food or liquid substance that can do as much damage to your body as a poor self esteem and a skewed self image.

Baby steps out of the playpen

If you really think about it…dungeons are safe places to live too.

Smile

Not like weird, “psycho” smile where you freak everyone out because it looks fake. Just smile throughout the day; especially towards strangers.

Preserve your throat

Have someone teach you that loud whistle technique, it’s quite useful.

The world is not as evil as you think

Just as you sit at home and worry about the future and think everyone is out to get you, millions of people are thinking the same thing about you and they’re no more right than you are.

Jump in the trenches

The worst thing you could ever do or say in a terrible situation… is nothing.

The woman behind the mask

Women, don’t deviate too far from your regular appearance. If someone else compliments you or your appearance you’ll just “second guess” yourself and think it was just the make up. Don’t do that to yourself or to them for that matter.

Don’t compare your life to others

Everyone around you for the most part is just “faking it.” They’re not as “well off,” or as successful or as calm as they may seem. At some point in time they too strove to make their life look like someone else’s who was lying to them.

The (now platinum) rule

Do onto others as you would have them do onto you.

Como se dice, “paranoid?”

If people around you are speaking another language, don’t worry they’re not talking bad about you; even if they point towards you and giggle.

Spit it out

Don’t spend too much time thinking about what you would say or would have said to someone; you’ll think you already said it and never end up saying anything.

Talk is cheap

If someone’s on the street talking to them self, they’re not crazy; they just can’t afford a cell phone.

Our friends to the North

Be nice to Canadians, if it wasn’t for them no one in Florida would have a job.

Befriend those quiet angry kids

They usually grow up to be cops, meter maids, tow truck drivers or parking attendants.

Get out of your head

The quiet inside voice will become the boisterous outside voice if you don’t listen to it.

Age gracefully

Don’t pluck your gray hairs, eventually when you would have been entirely gray you will find yourself bald.

Kick it “old school.”

There’s something to be said for originals:

– No matter how stylish watches are now a day a sun dial is way cooler.

– No matter how shiny your car is, showing up to work in a horse drawn carriage would get more looks.

– All the surround sound systems can’t compare with the beauty of a jukebox full of records.

– Which would you rather get… a text message or a note attached to a carrier pigeon?

Live a little

Realize that when you’re saying “I don’t” you’re really saying “I haven’t up until now” maybe then you’ll find your life to be more eventful.

Vanity is good for your health

If not for health alone, avoid smoking and drinking excessively because it will inevitably make you uglier.

Don’t make your “Knight” work too hard

Every brick you lay before your heart and every moat you widen around it are not keeping anyone out, they are just entrapping you in. They were a knight in shining armor but by the time they finally get to you their armor is rusted, cracked and covered in moss.

Reach out and touch someone

Look through your phone and find that person. The person that time has somehow allowed for you to become apart from. Call them. Now!

Uncross the arms

There’s no more valuable of a trait than approachability. During the time when you are least hopeful of a positive outcome, presenting an embracing and welcoming persona can change things for the better.

Cupid has call waiting

Finding true love is like finding your keys, the second you stop looking for it, you find it.

Dive in

Don’t become pre-occupied with words like “ready” or “prepared” there’s no such thing. Trust it.

Focus your lens

Fix your eyes on the real source of your frustration and anger. Say the right things to the right people.

Worthy investments

Invest in yourself and the people you care for; not cars, houses or stocks.

Don’t speak through people

If you have something on your mind just say it to whomever you want to know. Doing anything other than this creates EXTREME amounts of discomfort and causes far more problems than anything that might come from just simply saying how you feel.

Stay erect (without Viagra)

Be conscious of your posture throughout your day. Life will beat you up if you look like it already has.

Keep “Trolley” visiting

If you want your neighborhood to be as nice and friendly as Mr. Rogers’ neighborhood you’re going to have to be their Mr. Rogers.

Grab the mic

If you stop singing, the world goes deaf.

Road Trip

Visit the people you care about as often as possible. Don’t wait until they’re in the hospital or buried in a cemetery. Visit them now while they are able to fully embrace and enjoy your presence.

Not so friendly advice that’s actually good

Take a long walk down a short pier

Provided you’re wearing something conducive to water and don’t have any electronics with you… you’re cleared for take off.

Go play in traffic

Maybe not road traffic but people traffic is always fun. Head out to any high traffic area and submerse yourself in the crowd.

Get lost

Misery comes from living on a “point A to point B” mentality. Getting lost makes for great stories to compensate for otherwise mundane trips. Longer adventures lengthen the days which lengthen life.

Go fly a kite

If you need further explanation than that, you might also need help stringing the kite.

Go f*ck yourself

Hey, it’s a great way to lose weight and save money on a gym membership. If you’re lucky you might find someone who also said “f*ck you” and get them to help.